umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize