i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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