He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
