yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
