My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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