well I can't set my house on fire every night
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
