So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You smell like stripper and shame
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
