i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
