So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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