I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
