Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
