I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
