fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
