I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
