I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
