New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
