Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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