Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
