I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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