I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
