i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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