my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
