after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
