I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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