The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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