he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
