I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
