; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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