Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
