If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
