Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Your cock deserves a montage
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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