she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
