note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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