we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
