I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
