just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
