I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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