In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
