goodnight i made you a song goodbye
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
