Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
did you just send me my own nude
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
