And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
