By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
