it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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