No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
