Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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