Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize