I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
