I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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