she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
