when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he wants to bone in the snuggie
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
