Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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