Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
