he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize