I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
3pm strippers are depressing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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