I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
