the day after is always just damage control
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
