I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There are leaves in my underwear?
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