It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
