Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
why do cheetos always look like penises
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
