sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
