I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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