since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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