I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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