Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Its about making memories worth repressing
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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