i jhust puked up my retainher.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
