I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
