can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
