Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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