Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize