There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
