K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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