Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize