I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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