ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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