i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
