i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They are going to name an STD after you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
