he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
