My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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