She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
