I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
