I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
