Don't make out with my wife yet
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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