Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
