please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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