he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The Olympian is in my bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
