he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
