ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
