I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize