sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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