I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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