So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
