hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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