i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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