I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Couch. On fire.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
