Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize