Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
