just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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